Developing Coping Skills

What To Do When Emotions Feel Too Big

Sometimes emotions don’t just feel uncomfortable.. they feel overwhelming.

Your heart races. Your chest feels tight. You can’t focus. You want to cry, shut down, yell, or disappear. When that happens, it’s not because you’re dramatic or “too sensitive.”

It’s because your nervous system is activated.

First Things First – What’s a Nervous System?

Your nervous system works as your body’s built-in alarm system.

It’s the part of you that:

• Detects stress

• Responds to danger (real danger or imagined danger)

• Helps you calm back down and feel internally safe

  
  

When something stressful happens, your nervous system can go into “fight, flight, or freeze." That might look like:

• Snapping at someone (fight)

• Avoiding texts, people, or situations (flight)

• Shutting down or feeling numb (freeze)

  
  
  
  

When you’re in that state, your brain isn’t thinking clearly. That’s called being “dysregulated”, and it makes everything feel bigger, louder, and more stressful.  

The goal isn’t to “stop having emotions.”The goal is to help your nervous system settle and feel safe when emotions are “too big”.

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Now Here Are Some Coping Skills That Actually Help

These aren’t random tricks. They work because they send safety signals to your body. They tell your nervous system, “Hey you’re safe, everything is okay, let’s calm down a bit”. 

1. Slow Your Breathing (Even If You Don’t Want To)

When you’re stressed, your breathing gets shallow and fast. Slowing it down tells your

brain, “We’re safe.”

Try this:

• Inhale for 4 seconds

• Hold for 4 seconds

• Exhale for 6 seconds

• Repeat 4-5 times

  
  

Longer exhales = stronger calming signals to your brain and body.

2. Ground Yourself (5–4–3–2–1)

When your thoughts are spiraling, grounding brings you back to the present.

Name:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

  
  

It pulls your brain out of panic mode and back into the moment.

3. Temperature Reset

Cold water on your wrists, face or neck, can quickly calm your nervous system.

Hot water also helps release tension from your muscles, which can really help in times

of heightened emotions.

You can:

• Splash cold water on your face

• Hold an ice cube or ice-cold wet towel to your head or back of your neck

• Hold a hot wet towel to your head or back of your neck

• Step outside for fresh air

• Take a hot or cold shower

  
  

Temperatures can signal your body to slow down.

4. Move your body

Stress builds up physically. Get the energy out!

Try:

• A short or long walk

• Stretching

• Shaking out your arms and legs

• Doing 10 jumping jacks randomly

• Dance, wherever!

• Exercise or a quick workout (any kind you prefer)

  
  

Movement helps your body release stress hormones.

More Coping Skills & Resources:

Click for more coping skills & resources!

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Why Regulation Matters

When your nervous system is regulated:

• You think more clearly

• You respond instead of react

• You make decisions you won’t regret later

• You feel more in control

Coping skills don’t erase problems.They help you handle them from a calmer place.

Quick reminder… If emotions feel too big, it doesn’t mean you are. It means your nervous system needs support. You don’t have to master every skill. Even trying one is progress. And the more you practice when things are small, the easier it gets when things feel big.